BEDAZZLING BLANK PAGE ANXIETY

There was a page that was blank and there was a man sitting at his desk with this page. They were spending a lot of time together. Nothing really happened. That man wasn't willing to put anything on the page. Except for the cup, obviously. Time passed by. He wasn't even moving his writing hand, although the pencil was firmly set in-between his fingers.
It's true that the hardest thing in writing is to start writing. It is so apparent. Everything else seems like a walk in a park. In a MacArthur Park in fact. And there's a cake left on a sidewalk and you don't think you can take it because it took so long to bake it but it is raining and the cake is melting in the dark - all sweet green icing flows down and you will never have that recipe again. Oh no! No, no! You recall the yellow cotton dress foaming like a wave on a ground around the knees. Birds like tender babies sitting on the hands and old men playing checkers by the trees.
Whoa! Wait a second, what? What is that?! Are you dense or something?
Of course, not. That's called "gearing up". Plain and simple. You start to write something that is nothing in particular - just "text" in some way. And by the time you're done with it - you're so involved you jump to the main event - writing the real thing. You get the point - since it doesn't matter what to write in order to gain the momentum - you can write whatever you want.
For example, you tell a story. Just like the opening paragraph of this article. Or you write some nonsensical filler - just like certain parts of second paragraph. Or you outline the whole thing and then expand - that's what this whole text is doing - it's just dancing around this paragraph. Or you can start from the end and then put the end that was actually the start at the end. Just like a closing paragraph of this article.
This trick brings a psychological release to the immense pressure you put on yourself while raving up for the gig. Being careless about what you're about to do is single best way to start. You're going to rewrite that anyway - so why bother getting all the shots in the first round. This ain't sports. Nobody's going to give you a medal for trying that hard.
But let's get back to the start.

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What is blank page anxiety? It is a moment in a writing process that happens when a writer needs to make a crucial decision and he's unable to do it. Since the biggest decision of them all is to start the whole thing and it usually happens with a blank page - it is called that way. Obviously.
This kind of anxiety also happens all the way through the writing, basically at any point - next chapter, next argument, next line of dialogue - with these dreadful thoughts crawling in "it needs to be important, it needs to be better than that, it needs to be about something! Gotta know your rabbit! Be black, baby!" and so on and so forth.
The circumstances surrounding the anxiety may be different but they are united by the unrelenting fear of failing, doing it wrong. This kind of fear eats the writers will to proceed and gives them a lot of hard time making decisions whether or not he should move in a certain direction.
It is also fun as hell if you think about. Here's a prompt for you - the next time you experience blank page anxiety - think about every little action you make instead of writing. Think about every time you distract yourself with something, doodle, drool, pretend, look around, getting in the right mindset and so on. Keep notes on it. It's a gas. Reading it later will bring a smile so wide - you'll feel there's nothing of you left in this world except for this smile.

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For some reason, blank page anxiety is also the most popular state in which writers are depicted in popular culture. Even if in reality it looks completely different and certainly never looks like a lost guy staring at the blank page. That cliche is so irritating I can't help but think there's some kind of conspiracy surrounding it. You can't even reenact it - even if you try to sit at the desk and stare at the blank page - you'll get the experience. Mostly awkward, somewhat entertaining.
The best film about blank page anxiety is undeniably "The Croupier" by Mike Hodges starring Clive Owen as a struggling writer assigned to write something "very-very exciting". He is struck with the BPA and because of it he returns to his regular job as a croupier and does all the shady stuff that tough guys do in noir flicks. And then he writes about because it is what else he can do with such extraordinary offbeat experience.

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This is the end of the article. It was written earlier than anything else in this article and it wasn't bringing any definite conclusions on any matter. It was just a note that this is the end. Even though it was the beginning but it doesn't matter because at the moment this paragraph is at the very end of this article. No safety or surprise, the end.